Free The Five Love Languages Summary Essay Sample
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'The Five Love Languages' is a book written by Gary Chapman, which talks on how to raise children who are emotionally healthy. The main idea in this book is that there are five love languages, quality time, physical touch, gifts, acts of service, and words of affirmation. Parents are advised to communicate their love for their children in all the five languages so the children can feel they are loved. It is important to note that each child has one love language that best communicates the message of love to him or her. Therefore, parents should identify a child's primary love language so as to best meet his or her deepest emotional need for love.
Firstly, quality time is all about a parent focusing his or her energy on the child. An individual who does two things at the same time is not quality time. Quality time shared means that all attention is focused on the recipient all the time while they are together. Moreover, a healthy relationship requires quality conversation (Gary, 1992). It should involve sharing of experiences, feelings, thoughts and desires in a friendly and uninterrupted atmosphere. One should listen and offer good advice, as well as give a response, which will confirm to the other party that they are being listened to carefully. It is important to note that, there are individual who do not expect their problems to be solve, they only need a sympathetic listener.
Five ways you can express your love
In a quality conversation, there is need for self-revelation. A quality conversation needs one to be in tune with his or her inner emotions. If individuals understand their inner emotions and feelings, they will be in a capacity to share a quality conversation and quality time with their loved ones. In addition to all these, quality activities make up an important aspect of quality time. Many individuals would feel valued if they spend time together, engaging in activities that they enjoy. The aspect of spending time together brings two people closer, and ends up filling a memory bank that one gets to reminisce in the future. In all activities, quality time is a love language that is shared by many individuals.
The second love language is physical touch. Physical contact from another individual makes one feel the most esteemed. This is a very important aspect of love in that; it can either brake or make an existing relationship. A pat on the back can make a person feel admired and secure, although it appears that there is only one dialect of physical touch. It is important to find out how the other party responds to physical touch both physically and psychologically. There are a separate set of rules that apply to physical touch in a professional setting. They limit behavior to forms that are socially acceptable and appropriate to a work setting, such as a hand shake, and a pat on the arm or the back (Gary, 1992).
It is important that one learns the way others speak the language of physical touch. This is because there are touches that are considered to be irritating and uncomfortable. Therefore, it is important to note the touches that other people receive well. Moreover it is also important to note how the other entity responds to the touch. Most enduring relationships experience stress and crisis. This is why physical touch becomes very important. In a situation full of stress, a high five or hand shake can communicate an immense amount of togetherness. An individual who is used to physical touch appreciates them more than talk or advice. It is important to note that this type of love language is usually different for every individual. Therefore, it is paramount that one learns other people's dialect so as to enhance the effectiveness of communication.
The third language of love revolves around receiving gifts. There are individuals who respond well and appropriately to symbols that show respect and care. Those who speak this language of love are more likely to treasure any gift to be an expression of trust and acknowledgement as well. On the other hand, these types of people take a lack of gifts to represent a lack of love (Gary, 1992). However, this love language is the easiest for people to learn. For one to be an effective gift giver, he or she has to change his or her attitude concerning money. Those who have no troubles buying gifts are naturally spenders. On the other hand, those who are used to investing or saving most of their money will have a tough time accepting spending money on gifts as an expression of caring. It is important for these people to understand that they are not spending their money on gifts, but deepening an existing relationship.
One of the important symbols of love is the gift of love. There are some people who only desire someone to be there for them, who are willing to go through the same experiences or trials on the same pains or things. In this, a pat on the back can be a very important and powerful physical symbol of love. However, it is not a must for these gifts to come every day or every week. They also do not need to be very expensive; instead, they can be free, frequent, rare, or expensive. These gifts in addition to any other sign of love leave the other individual feeling secure and encouraged in the relationship.
Acts of service is another language of love. There are times in which simple chores around the home or office can be a good expression of support. Notably, simple tasks such as taking out trash or filing need some planning, effort, ample time, and energy as well. Therefore, doing such humble chores can be a strong expression of respect or togetherness. However, just like the rest, it is essential that one understands what acts of service other people appreciate a lot. It is common for employees to misunderstand such gestures as helping around the office since they unknowingly, communicate with each other in two different languages. It is therefore important to work out and understand what acts of service will go a long way into showing respect.
These acts of service should be done out of consideration, but not obligation (Gary, 1992). It is important that one performs these acts out of kindness and from the heart. This is because those who do these chores out of guilt or fear do not speak a language of regard, but that of resentment. Sometimes, demonstrating acts of service could mean stepping out of the stereotypes. One may be required to become humbled and do chores that are not expected of them. However, it is important to note that these little chores can do wonders in ensuring a healthy and longlasting relationship.
The fifth and last language of love deals with words of affirmation. In this group, verbal appreciation for a deed speaks powerfully to those whose 'words of affirmation' is the primary love language. They include simple statements such as, "You pay such good attention to detail" or "You look great in that suit", or "You must be the best cook in the world". There are people who feel loved if they hear such words of praise or good compliments. The other way of communicating through word of affirmation is offering encouragement. Some examples include reinforcing difficult decisions, paying or calling attention to a progress made on a project, or acknowledging a unique view held by a person (Gary, 1992). These words of encouragement help people to overcome their insecurities and hence develop more confidence.
Definition of love
In this book 'The Five Love Languages', the author (Dr. Chapman) moves away from the usual academic definitions of love, which are usually intellectual and cold, and takes a deeper look into defining love he refers to as being emotional. This is the type of love that is usually portrayed in movies and novels. Moreover, he has clearly discussed the concept he refers to as the love tank, which is present in every individual. How this tank is filled up will be very instrumental in determining how a loved individual will feel. This is very important because it gives them a sense of belonging, significance, security, and self-worth.
A full love tank ensures that the other party moves out to reach his or her highest possible potential in life. On the other hand, an empty tank will ensure that people become enemies who do not communicate appropriately. The only way to ensure that this live tank is full is by loving the other partner in the correct manner, which should entail the way they want to be loved. It is these ways of expressing love that he refers to as languages of love. The most important thing to note is that, each person responds to only one of the languages primarily.
The doctor also suggests that a number of failed marriages and partnerships can be revived if the couples involved would first identify, and then learn the appropriate way of speaking to their partners' language of love. This book is different in that, it brings something new to the discussion concerning marriage and divorce. Clearly, he brings out the fact that each individual needs love and there is a way of meeting it.
Most importantly, the book has a number of philosophical ideas that touch on love and the human nature in general. Firstly, falling in love is not only natural, but a necessary process of human interaction. However, it does not entirely revolve real love. This is because it does not require any effort, does not have genuine interest in establishing personal growth of the other individual. Secondly, emotions are neither good nor bad; they are just simple psychological responses to the events that happen in life. Moreover, love is a choice to be taken by either of the partners, who can decide to start it immediately upon realizing this aspect. A loving partner can transform a hateful spouse into a loving one with the correct love language. Most of sexual misconduct in adolescents is due to empty love tanks. Most of the existing relationships, despite the partners having good characters, fail due to them having not learnt what their partners need or prefer as the language of love.
From the book, I have discovered that an individual who is insecure has difficulties identifying their love language. On the other hand, self-love has nothing to do with self. People would feel significant if they feel they are loved by others. To wrap it up, one can only give back the love given by the people around. It is important to note that language of love is different the way languages are different.
Children who feel they are loved by parents usually develop a primary emotional love language depending on their psychological makeup and the way love was expressed to them. Despite the fact that they may learn a secondary love language, they will only be comfortable in their first one. On the other hand, children who are not loved by parents develop a primary language too. However, it will be distorted and lead to poor programming. However, they can still develop a good sense of emotional love though they have to work extra hard, unlike those children who feel they are loved by the parents.
Notably, it is hard to find two partners who share the same love language. However, it is common for people to speak their primary love language to the other partner, thereby getting confused as to why they don't understand the communication. By identifying and learning to speak a partner's primary language of love, a spouse would have the key to a marriage or partnership that is longlasting and loving. The most important thing to note about love is that, it is the most important and often confused.
A number of psychologists have proved the fact that the need for love is a primary human emotional need. Individuals would do anything so as to feel loved. Most human accomplishments are always motivated by love. Children also have emotional needs that needs that must be met. The need for love and affection is the most basic of them all. Children need to feel that they are part of the family and are wanted in it. A loved child grows up to be a responsible adult in future. The opposite is that they will end up being socially and emotionally backward.
It is a fact that children usually behave differently. At times they would seek for a parent's attention or ignore some other times. Their attitude, behavior, development, and most other emotional needs depend a lot on love relationship between a parent and a child. The bottom line is that, a loved child will always do their best in life. Notably, children also have different languages of love. It is important that parents learn what appeases their children and comply. This is important if a parent wants to effectively show unconditional feelings of affection, respect, and commitment. Garry Chapman reveals facts he has gathered about love in the twenty five years of counseling. The key thing to discovering a healthy relationship between a husband and wife, parent and child, or between co-workers is discovering what they need in order to fill up their love tank.
In conclusion, 'The Five Love Languages' by Gary Chapman, talks on healthy relationships between partners, and also how to raise children who are emotionally healthy. There are five love languages, quality time, physical touch, gifts, acts of service, and words of affirmation. Parents are advised to communicate their love for their children in all the five languages so the children can feel they are loved. It is important to note that each child has one love language that best communicates the message of love to him or her. Therefore, parents should identify a child's primary love language so as to best meet his or her deepest emotional need for love. This book is different in that, it brings something new to the discussion concerning marriage and divorce. Clearly, he brings out the fact that each individual needs love and there is a way of meeting it.
It is important for one to identify how to fill up a partner's love tank. It ensures that the other party moves out to reach his or her highest possible potential in life. An empty tank makes people become enemies who do not communicate appropriately. The only way to ensure that this live tank is full is by loving the other partner in the correct manner, which should entail the way they want to be loved. It is these ways of expressing love that he refers to as languages of love. The most important thing to note is that, each person responds to only one of the languages primarily.